Welcome to Sex In-the-920! I’m the Carrie Bradshaw of UW Oshkosh, or your college sex guru.  As I mentioned last week, it’s cuffing season, and with cuffing season comes mixed signals. Starting a new relationship is scary. It’s hard to tell someone’s vibe over text, or even in person. Or even when you are ready to get into a new relationship, how do you know if you’re even ready? This idea really had me thinking, so I couldn’t help but wonder, is it flirting or just a friendly conversation? 

Now, I can firmly say that I am experiencing this firsthand. It really is difficult to tell if someone is flirting with you or friend-zoning you. I believe in the idea “if they wanted to, they would,” but also, you never actually know where someone is coming from. I often like to give someone the benefit of the doubt or tell my friends what they want to hear, but we have to think realistically sometimes. If someone is turning down your hangout offers and is dry with you, I’m sorry, but they’re not busy, they are friend-zoning you. If you are certain that they are not, there is a little test you can do, and it works every time. Play hard to get. Give them what they’re giving you, and see how they react. If they all of a sudden start putting in effort and talking to you more, then they are interested in you, but if you’re getting total silence, then I’m sorry to break it to you that it’s not going to work. 

I honestly find it difficult to tell if someone is flirting or is just being nice. A major way to tell is the language they use with you. If you’re getting compliments left and right, that’s obvious flirting. If someone reaches out to you first, it can honestly come off as both ways, but it depends on what they say. If they’re asking to go out for coffee or a little painting date, that could be flirting. But if they are just asking you for the notes from class, that’s just them trying to get something out of you. I feel like that’s a bit obvious, and not rocket science to figure out, but it all honestly does depend on what they say to you. 

As I mentioned, someone may be more cautious in a new relationship or talking to a new individual because their past relationship ended badly. Someone may just want to feel your vibe and feel how you are. Don’t be upset if they want to hang out in a group setting, rather than one-on-one. One-on-one right away can be intimidating, and they may want to see how you treat your friends, talk in a group or even contribute to a group. 

Again, the friend zone is scary, but remember rejection is a redirection, and there’s a reason why you weren’t meant to end up with that person. I do also believe in right person, wrong time, but you shouldn’t put everything, especially your love life, on pause and wait for that one person to come along. It’s okay to try different people on, and find the right fit for you.