Welcome to Sex In-The-920! I’m the Carrie Bradshaw of UW-Oshkosh, or your college sex guru. Since Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, Cupid is about to shoot his arrows. Whether you’re getting out of a relationship, getting into a new one, or just wanting to be alone, this holiday is thrown in everyone’s face. Red and pink are the only colors that are seen throughout the entire month of February, and with the new semester, it’s time to get back in the game.

Now, I’m experiencing this as we speak, so I think I know a thing or two. As I go on little dates with my partner, I couldn’t help but wonder, how did I get into this place, and how does anyone get in a relationship? The answer isn’t simple, and I have talked about this a bit before, with be on the look out. That idea fits into this as well. I truly believe if you want to get back in the game, or in other words, get into a relationship, you can’t be a bench warmer the whole time. All talk no action, am I right?

I feel like I constantly hear people say: “I hate being single, I want to be in a relationship so bad!” but, I also hear people ask me: “Suzy, how is it so easy for you to find new people to talk to you?” Well, answer one, I write this column, but answer two is that I actually put in effort. Look, I’m not a relationship therapist, my major isn’t even psychology, but it’s not rocket science. You can’t just expect someone to come up to you and ask you on a date, it doesn’t work that way. I have collected a list of my best advice on how to get into a relationship, or even just make a friend.

1. Make yourself available

Now, this may seem obvious but honestly in college individuals are lazy. I truly believe in the motto: “If they wanted to they would”. But, the more available you are, the easier it will be to make plans with someone, and compare schedules. You have to remember that while you are in a relationship with someone, you are not that person. You are your own individual self, you have your own life, ambitions, goals and thoughts. But, the cleaner your schedule, the easier it will be to make a plan. It’s important to also be understanding of another person’s life. Validating what they’re doing, or them being busy is key to a good relationship, unless you think they’re lying.  There’s usually always a way to work around a plan, but if someone makes excuse after excuse, and cancel after cancel, then they probably don’t want to hang out. Try again with someone else who actually wants to make time for you!

2. Make effort

I can’t stress this enough. I know I say this every time I write one of these, but it’s true. You wouldn’t believe how many people do not put any effort in!

You can’t just expect someone to come up to you and ask you out. I mean, it’s possible for that to happen, but if you want something, you have to go for it. My dear friend made this good point to me. I was complaining about how my partner wasn’t grabbing my hand, and she said to me: “Well they can’t read your mind, so if you want to be held, you just got to do it yourself”. That’s one of the truest pieces of advice she’s ever given me! You never know what anyone is truly feeling, or thinking, unless you communicate with them, and communicating is a small step of effort being put in.

3. Trusting yourself

A big reason why you may not be finding a relationship is because you may not be emotionally available. I believe you truly can’t love someone until you love yourself. How can you give your heart to someone, if you can’t see why they’d want it?

It’s also easier to love someone if you feel more confident in yourself and your capability to be in a relationship. You may realize you’re not ready to be in a relationship during the talking stage, and that’s really okay! You have to give yourself grace and understanding so someone else can too.

Valentine’s Day can be a frustrating holiday for some, but self love is also so important. If you celebrate, a partner is not needed. You can always be your own date, and show yourself love, and love yourself like no-one else can. Always remember that you know yourself best. If Valentine’s Day isn’t for you, you can always treat yourself after a long weekend to your favorite meal, movie, or sweet treat! Cupid still loves to fly around before and after the holiday, so don’t be afraid to be struck by his arrow.