Welcome to Sex In-The-920! I’m the Carrie Bradshaw of UW-Oshkosh, or your college sex guru.When you get out of a relationship, and into a new one, the thoughts of your ex can always linger. Comparison is inevitable, and curiosity behind your partner’s past relationship can take over your mind. I couldn’t help but wonder, when your partner loves someone, and that relationship dies, where does all that love go?
It’s hard to say whether it does just go away, or it goes to the next person, but the ex file can eat up a relationship if it’s not talked about. As I mentioned before, curiosity can eat you alive, and the ghost of their previous relationship can always be behind you. I believe it is important to talk to your partner about their ex relationships, even if the conversation can be hard. Let’s say your partner had always gotten into arguments with their ex. That’s not a red flag, that’s a conversation that can lead to answers. You need to think: “Why did they argue?” “Who was the cause of the problem?” And “how did you resolve the issue?” Like I said, the ex-file can be awkward, but if you really want to get to know someone, communicating on how their past relationship didn’t work out can be beneficial.
With this in mind, you don’t want the ex conversation to be the center of all you talk about. But, it’s okay if certain questions come up later when you have the conversation. Understanding what your partner didn’t like and also liked from their past relationship can help you understand them more as an individual. A lot of people also change after relationships, so it’s important that you don’t create biases based on what you heard, and how they might have treated someone in the past. If they are mature enough, they’ll admit their mistakes, and communicate them with you.
And just like that, my question was answered. The love from their ex doesn’t go to you, because they learned how to create a new type of love. A love that only works between you and them. Remember, it’s okay to ask questions, and have these conversations. Emotional intelligence can be hard to find. But if your partner isn’t comfortable yet when talking about something, it may not be because they’re hiding it, but rather that they’re not ready. Patience, and understanding will help move a relationship along, and store the ex-file away.
