Over the past month, since I moved into my new house near the UW Oshkosh campus, I’ve noticed some unspeakably awful parking jobs along the street I live on. 

Now, street parking isn’t exactly something I’d call a difficult undertaking. 

Even so, many UWO students seem to have trouble performing one of the basic functions of someone who holds a driver’s license: you guessed it, street parking. 

If you’re one of the unfortunate souls who has trouble with street parking, you needn’t worry. 

I’ll take you through some advice on how to properly park on a street, and I’ll try not to ridicule you too much. 

I can’t promise anything, though. 

Get closer to the curb

One of the main problems I’ve noticed while walking along the sidewalk on a car-infested street is the sheer amount of cars that are too far away from the curb. 

It’s almost frightening how many cars I see that are over a foot away from the curb; at that point, you might as well park in the middle of the street and call it a day. 

Parking close to the curb is needed, especially on streets that allow parking on both sides, because it allows vehicles driving through a street to maneuver efficiently and safely. 

When unsure whether you’ve parked close enough to the curb, simply get out and check. 

I know this might seem like a foreign concept for many UWO students, but if you’re too far away from the curb, get back in your car and try to get closer. Ludicrous, I know. 

Bunch up and pull forward

When I’m trying to find a parking spot on a street, what absolutely infuriates me is when I come across a vehicle parked along a slice of curb between two driveways that can clearly fit two cars, but someone has chosen to park right in the middle. 

When a driver does this, they leave a bit of space in front and behind their car, but the space isn’t enough to fit a vehicle on either side, effectively taking two parking spots with one car. 

It’s indescribably frustrating to be on the hunt for a parking spot, only to find some half-wit has parked like a child who isn’t old enough to drive yet. 

This action by the supposed child succinctly shows that they are inconsiderate, careless, incapable, incompetent, lazy and undeserving of a motor vehicle. 

It’s unequivocally reprehensible behavior, and under my regime, it would be punishable by three months in a state penitentiary. 

So please, pull as far forward as you possibly can so that fellow motorists can have the opportunity to park along the street just like you have. 

Don’t block a driveway

This is another tip that seems self-evident, but nevertheless, I’ve seen many UWO students park along a crowded street that clearly can’t fit any more cars, but park anyway. 

This usually involves finding a spot that is too small for their car, so it sticks out beyond the length of the curb and partially blocks someone’s driveway. 

It might seem hard to believe, but blocking someone’s driveway with a car, even only partially, can trouble the resident of that house if they’re trying to pull out of their driveway. 

Now, perhaps you don’t care about inconveniencing other people; based on my observations of near campus street parking, some of you definitely don’t. 

What might interest you is that partially blocking someone’s driveway with your car could potentially be illegal, according to Wisconsin Statutes 346.52 and 346.53. 

So, save yourself from some potential legal trouble and pretend that you’re a considerate human being by not blocking a driveway when you street park. 

When all is said and done, UWO students merely need to be more attentive and concerned with others when parking on a street, and not lackadaisically park on a street and leave it at that. 

If everyone would purely remember the golden rule when parking, an annoyed and admittedly somewhat snarky columnist wouldn’t feel obligated to write about it in the campus newspaper.