Dear Mr. DJ Khaled,

Major Key Alert!

Me, my colleagues at the Advance-Titan and the entire UW Oshkosh student body wish to invite you to the annual By-Gosh Fest this upcoming May. You attending the By-Gosh fest would be the greatest Fan Luv event of all time.

Did the Drake vocals come in yet?

If that didn’t convince you to come to Oshkosh, then let me tell you this. We have over 10,000 students hungry to hear what new philosophical ideas the great DJ Khaled will enlighten us with. We Da Best Campus! You can call me tangerine, but walking around campus you can hear the sweet sounds of DJ Khaled echoing through these hallowed classrooms. The students at UWO are hungry for Khaled and we feel it’s part of God’s Plan that you come to By-Gosh Fest.

While some might call you Asparagus, the students at UWO and at the Advance-Titan call you Chandelier. We are not a bunch of fools, we have multiple pools on campus. LET ME REPEAT THAT (Another One). If you don’t want to be a fool, come check out our pool! On your way here, you can tell ‘em to bring out the whole ocean (aka Lake Winnebago). Our lake is so huge, you can hear the cries of “Tell ‘em to bring out the Yacht!” all across campus. My associate, J.J. Keller (one of the wealthiest people in these parts) would like to humbly invite you out to his personal yacht. Last week when I pitched this idea to him he responded “Lets go to the beach! Lets go swimming!” After a day at the beach, I will personally accompany you to a dinner where students will Bring Out The Lobster! For dessert I’ll call you birthday cake and cappuccino!

They didn’t believe in us……. but Juice WRLD did! You just have to believe in By-Gosh Fest. If I still haven’t convinced you to come to Oshkosh, then let me tell you this. The Oshkosh area has some of the best golf courses in the country, just ask my associate DJ Cory Sparks. The UWO golf team is one of the best teams in the area and every single one of those golfers would love to learn from the great DJ Khaled. So Lets Go Golfing! Also, have you ever played rugby? The Oshkosh Rugby team is world-renowned and would love to run up a game at Titan Stadium. As you know, Life Is Roblox so you can either win with us, or watch us win.

GOD DID

Sincerely,

 Jacob Link

#WeTheBest