Earlier this month, I lost my Australian shepherd, AJ, to old age. He lived until he was 16 — God bless — and he lived a life filled with adventure, playing and love from his family. He was there for every holiday, big move and life change — good and bad. He was there for all of it, just as anyother family member. Even more,he was a part of those memories. When I think of Christmas, I think about playing in the snow with him. When I think about moving to Minnesota, I think about how he was there to provide me comfort and a smile. This may not be everybody’s experience, but I know I’m not alone when I say that pets aren’t just like family, they are family. Pet grief is real, and losing them can be very hard.
Unfortunately, the truth is that we’re all getting to that age where our childhood pets are getting older and passing away. This is not to frighten you, but to prepare you. To say I was prepared for my childhood dog to die would be a gross exaggeration. Luckily, I’ve learned a few things on my grieving journey that I can share with you to help with your own grieving journey.
Author Jamie Anderson defines grief as “love with no place to go,” and I’ve never heard a truer definition. All I want to do is cuddle and play with AJ, but I can’t. What you can do, however, is take that displaced love and pour it into your family and friends. If grief is love with no place to go, then you can direct that love and energy towards something else. You can use this love on your family, your friends or even yourself. Or, on the other hand, you can siphon this grief and love into something creative, like art, music, or poetry.
Either way, you’ll need the support of your friends and family during this time. Your peers can especially be an asset, as many other people in college are dealing with the exact same thing. It’s unfortunate that we’re all getting to the age where our childhood pets are getting older, but we might as well use it to our advantage.
Like humans, pets all have unique and special personalities. This was another thing I found myself struggling with; the idea that I will never find or meet another dog like him. And it’s true, I never will because AJ was one of a kind. Even though it makes me sad, there’s something beautiful about it. I am so blessed that I got the experience of loving such a special dog, and knowing that we all have expiration dates just makes our time together here on Earth that much sweeter. As Alfred Tennyson said, “‘Tis better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all.”
While you may never be able to replace them, what I learned from my mom is that you can find bits and pieces of them in many different people or animals. For example, while my friend’s dog is nothing like my late dog, she has this sweetness about her that reminds me of him. Similarly, I’ve started to notice and appreciate qualities in my dad and brother that remind me of him. Death has a way of making you appreciate your loved ones even more. Of course, no amount of people or animals can fill the hole they left, but it certainly helps. That hole is just a reminder of the amazing love you got to experience.
This isn’t all to say that your grieving process will be easy, but my hope is that these tips just make this process a little easier to deal with. So don’t be afraid to reach out to your friends and family, and remember you can always set up an appointment at the UWO Counseling Center. You can find more information and set up your appointment on the UWO mobile app or by going to https://uwosh.edu/counseling/.
