Maybe it’s the holidays, the desire to have a plus-one to your family gatherings, the seasonal depression, or just longing to have somebody keep you warm from the bitter Wisconsin winter. Whatever the cause is, we have officially entered what is known as “cuffing season.”
Likely a biological adaptation from times when finding a partner was sometimes required for one’s survival during the colder months, the phrase is used to describe the time period between October and March in which people gravitate towards something more permanent than the short-term flings of the summer and spring.
Although it is unknown exactly when and by whom this phrase originated, the earliest use was found in 2011, published in a college newspaper. It’s cool to know somebody’s documenting the conglomeration of trends our generation creates!
While our generation may be able to figure out how to churn out trends like Elon Musk and his Tesla trucks, we cannot seem to figure out love. We can make trends and coin phrases about it, but that’s about it.
We can’t seem to agree on whether dating comes before or after being exclusive, and if being “a thing” comes before or after dating. Matter of fact, we don’t even know what being “a thing” means.
Is a “thing” the same as dating, or is it different? Is “talking” the same thing as having a “thing”, or are those two different things as well? I’m just as confused as you are.
There’s absolutely no order of operations, and definitely no method to this madness. We have men and women who are working a girlfriend/boyfriend shift on a sneaky link salary, and we have the other party staying to take advantage of them.
Hell, we have situationships that last longer than some engagements nowadays.
How did we get here? Men used to write sonnets about women, ask for their family’s blessing, hold their hand, carve wooden spoons for them – now, men write objectifying rap songs about women instead of sonnets and grab their asses instead of their hands.
Did you know that, according to Refinery29, men in 17th-century Wales used to carve wooden spoons with their family name and designs of their love to show that they were ready to move past flirting. Now, you’d be lucky to receive that as a birthday or anniversary gift in a committed relationship.
Now, to be fair, men in England and Belgium also used to put an apple under their armpit, sweat on it, and then give it to their crush to show their love. So, maybe traditional courting isn’t the solution.
In order to find a solution, however, we must identify how this all happened.
A lot has changed since the 17th century, one major change being feminism. The feminist movement has provided women with more romantic, financial and sexual agency. While amazing, this has definitely changed dating standards.
As a result, men are either confused by what their role is, threatened by an independent women or just apprehensive to initiate the relationship, nevertheless the first meet-cute out of fear of doing something wrong.
The Andrew Tate-ifiication of this generation’s male population has also lent to this issue. Lots of vulnerable men — men that often feel threatened by independent women — are being brainwashed into believing that they need to be an Alpha-male archetype and perpetuating stereotypes that they are obligated to sex.
At the end of the day, no one person is to blame for this change. Some men are too controlling while others are too submissive for fear of rejection, and women can indeed be rude or dismissive towards pursuers for fear of their life and don’t always take this feminist agency in their dating life.
Instead of blaming eachother, we need to get on the same page.
We don’t need to bring back the whole courtship process or the old, puritanical ideology surrounding women, marriage and sex. Instead, we should simplify, streamline and modernize the dating process into something we can all agree on.
Moreover, we must bring back some of the respect on both sides. That includes more honesty.
Basically, we need to cut the bullshit. We must start communicating our intentions and stop playing games and using people as commodities or back-up plans.
Not only is it immature, but incredibly dehumanizing. I’m sure you’ve been in situations where you were on the other end of this treatment, so put yourself in their shoes. Nobody deserves to be used, especially not romantically.
At the end of the day, don’t worry too much if neither you nor your crush know what you’re doing. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen — no matter how complicated.
Moreover, remember that the steps are just a guideline. You don’t need to follow the books, just do whatever feels right. Afterall, the “books” aren’t very reliable anyways.
However, if you’re looking to get straight to the magic with that special someone in this holiday season, being honest and forthcoming is a great place to start in order to have a successful cuffing season.
