The Advance-Titan

Don’t Try This At Home

Alex Nemec

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10. Tee Ball

This stunt sounds harmless at first, but takes a painful turn very fast. The scene sets up with Steve-O standing near a makeshift tee-ball stand. The stand makes a 90 degree angle with the pole holding the ball, which is at the same height as Steve-O’s groin. Late Jackass co-star Ryan Dunn is off to the right of Steve-O when he makes the stunt announcement. After a count of three, Ryan Dunn takes a home run swing and the baseball goes straight into Steve-O’s crotch at high speed. Definitely not recommended for men if they ever want to walk. Or breathe. Or have children.

9. The Fart Mask

Besides doing utterly painful stunts, Steve-O also does stunts that are disgusting. In Jackass 2, Steve-O puts on a helmet that resembles an astronaut’s gear. Connected to the helmet is a tube with a funnel on the back. Co-star Preston Lacy does Steve-O the honor of letting him smell his farts. Lacy puts the funnel to his butt and farts in it, having it travel through the tube into Steve-O’s face. Steve-O, unsurprisingly, vomits almost instantaneously. The puke runs down the inside of his helmet and he pukes even more when Preston shows him that he decided to defecate in the funnel as well, instead of just fart. Not only is it disgusting, but pink eye is, in all likelihood, a strong possibility.

8. Sweatsuit Cocktail

Continuing with the downright disgusting antics, Steve-O decides to have his first cocktail since being sober. However, Steve-O may not have been the happiest about drinking this one, since it’s straight Lacy sweat. The crew makes Lacy a sweatsuit and gets him to run on an elliptical. Having all the sweat on his body drip down towards an exit that is conveniently placed between his legs. To make matters worse, Steve-O rings out the towel that was acting as underwear and puts that in the cup as well. Steve-O drinks it and barely gets a sip down before he, again unsurprisingly, pukes. This stunt doesn’t necessarily have physical health implications, but it might showcase some mental problems.

7. The Fish Hook

In Jackass 2, Steve-O and co-star Chris Pontius journey into shark infested waters to go fishing. Success while fishing relies heavily on what type of bait you use. Steve-O decides the best way to catch a shark is to use himself as bait. He starts by taking a fish hook that is about four inches long and pierces it through his cheek. Once Steve-O is hooked, he jumps into the water and swims around. Sharks circle him and at one point a Mako shark gets close enough that Steve-O kicks it in the face while retreating to the boat. This was probably Steve-O’s most dangerous stunt as he could’ve lost a limb or worse, but it is nowhere near his most stupid.

6. The Butt Piercing

In the Jackass TV show, Steve-O said he was sick and tired of pooping. To combat this recurring problem, he decides to pierce his butt cheeks together. Steve-O had some doubters thinking it wouldn’t work, but they tried anyway. The piercer indicates where the piercing will go and begins. Steve-O gets a metal bar pierced through his butt cheeks and sure enough it brings the cheeks closer to each other than they ever have before. After a few minutes, they take it out and the skit is over. It should be known that by piercing his butt, Steve-O did not solve his problem of pooping all the time.

5. The Butt Chug

Some may not know what butt chugging is. Steve-O made sure everyone found out real fast when he did it in Jackass 2. Steve-O has all of the Jackass cast help him get a plastic tube inserted inside his butt. The other side of the plastic tube has a funnel that co-star Johnny Knoxville pours a full beer into so it travels down the tube into Steve-O’s butt. The stunt itself is pretty gross in practice, but arguably the grossest part is when he tries to fart out the beer that’s trapped in his butt. It doesn’t all come out, so co-star Bam Margera has the bright idea to plunge Steve-O’s butt to get it out and spouts out like a geyser. The stunt is mildly dangerous since the alcohol is absorbed into the bloodstream and not the digestive system, causing intoxication to set in faster.

4. The Leech Healer

Leeches are things of nightmares. They are black, slimy, have rows of teeth and can be as short as a third of an inch and extend their bodies up to three inches. Plus they have 32 brains, according to softschools.com. Allegedly, they use those 32 brains to slither into the dreams of small children and equally scared adults to haunt them. So naturally Steve-O decided he wants to put one on his eye. Steve-O and the Jackass crew are in India and they find a leech healer. Steve-O has the honor of having the leech attached to his eyeball. Steve-O understandably screams in pain and forces his eyeball to stay open with the leech attached. Leeches can be found almost anywhere in the world, and shouldn’t be willingly applied anywhere on the body.

3. Bullet Ant Bite

Steve-O had a spinoff show of Jackass with Pontius called Wildboyz where they traveled the world to “learn” about other cultures. In one episode, Pontius and Steve-O go to a Costa Rican rainforest with a tribe leader. The leader shows the duo some plants native to the area. The insane part though, is when Pontius and Steve-O willingly stick their hands on a bullet ant hill. Bullet ants live up to their name with the intense pain that comes with their bite. Their mandibles are extremely sharp and tear away the skin. Unlike normal bug bites, the bullet ant’s bite lasts more than eight hours. Definitely something not to try at home unless you are looking for some intense pain.

2. Jai Alai

Jai Alai is a sport similar to racquetball, but much, much faster. Jai Alai players can throw the ball out of their wicker baskets at up to speeds of more than 180mph. So in the Jackass TV show, it made perfect sense to have Steve-O and Knoxville line up down court from players who were firing oranges at them, bending over so their butt is the main target. Steve-O got hit so bad that he left the stunt halfway through. He got an orange to the back, then shortly after got hit in the back of the knee and had a serious gash surrounded by a gnarly bruise. It’s fair to say firing solid objects at high speeds at short distances is not a good idea and should be avoided if possible.

1. Scrotum Stapling

This might be Steve-O’s most famous stunt. He was on a show that wasn’t censored and out of the country. Prior to the stunt, Steve-O got excited and wanted to smoke a joint with the host. In his excitement to go all out on uncensored TV, he asked for a stapler that would staple his balls to his thigh. The stapler was brought out almost immediately, and after making a quick thank you to the crowd for being awesome and uncensored, he stapled his nuts to his thigh. This is a great example of extreme, unnecessary pain. The entire crowd groans in agony for him and he pulls it out shortly thereafter. This stunt is terrifyingly simple to do at home and should never be considered by any person.

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Independent Student Newspaper of the University of Wisconsin Oshkosh
Don’t Try This At Home